[As told by Maggie Lewis]
It wasn’t hard to tell that Art was getting aggravated by something. He was pacing, talking into the mirror, and escalating his movements. Art’s wife had told us that when he becomes aggravated, it helps if he can get outside. I was available so I took the opportunity to take Art for a walk. It was a beautiful day. Although Art can’t remember things very well and gets confused easily, he can hear well, and he responds well to suggestions. We enjoyed the beautiful day together and we commented on all the things we could notice together: the sky, the birds, the trees, the people walking, and our time together.
As our walk progressed, Art began to relax. I knew I’d have to give Art a reason to head back inside to continue his de-escalation. I offered a suggestion: “I know a great place that serves hot chocolate near here, with a nice recliner and a tasty snack.” Art seemed genuinely interested so I showed him back to The Gathering Place. Inside we were met by staff members who served our snack and prepared the dim lighting, aromatherapy, and seaside noise machine to help Art settle. Soon he was completely relaxed. At The Gathering Place, we’re fortunate – we learn about each other because we can spend most days together for months and years. We get to know the family members very well too. We get to know just about everything: medical conditions, personalities, emotional needs, favorite activities, foods and conversation topics, and how someone likes to be treated, talked to, and appreciated. In Art’s situation, our deep knowledge of who he is combined with all that we provide for someone with dementia, including: safety precautions, cueing the daily routine, enriching environment with relaxation techniques and tools, stimulation and social opportunities, and caring for the caregiver by providing respite. And while Dementia can’t be stopped, we help ease the transition to later stages for both the individual and the family caregiver to focus on quality of life. We do so in a way that is safe and most respectful, by maximizing the choices each individual can make, and we do so with compassion.
[Meg Wright, Arthur’s wife]
Art and I have been married for 43 years. Sometimes it’s hard knowing that he doesn’t remember who I am. I try to keep a sense of humor about our situation. When I told him we were married recently, he replied “Let’s not go that far!” That made me laugh!
I feel fortunate that Art can continue to live at home with me. His home-health caregiver can only provide 3 days a week, and the Gathering Place is able to accommodate him the other 2 days. This allows me the ability to continue to work. Not everyone is afforded the choice to continue to live with their loved one with dementia. The Gathering Place makes this choice possible for us.
When Art goes to The Gathering Place, I know he has social interaction, stimulation of his mind, and real care and compassion. He’s not just being watched all day; he is being truly loved. I have such peace of mind knowing he is OK and cared for all day.
Art was a long-haul truck driver, a father of our 3 children who we put through college, a good man. He may not remember all of that exactly. But he knows he is loved each and every day by me, his children and the staff.
If you’ve ever wondered how you’d care for a loved one with dementia, you can rest easy knowing you can rely on the expertise and compassion at The Gathering Place.
-Meg Wright (with Arthur), Brattleboro, Vermont
